Witness for LOVE!

When I officiate at a wedding, I follow the couples’ exchange of vows and rings by speaking these words.

No single event marks a marriage.  A marriage is the freely chosen union of two individuals.  It is both culmination and commencement of a lifetime of love.  Through the statement of common spirit and the exchange of rings, you have done what in truth neither state nor church can do: you have joined yourselves in a shared destiny.

I believe in the truth of those words regardless of the gender identities of the couple getting married.  So I would like to be able to speak them at any two individuals’ wedding and know that they will not be treated any differently because of who they love.  For there’s no good reason why every loving couple choosing to be united in marriage shouldn’t enjoy the same privileges and legal benefits presently accorded only to heterosexual couples.

That’s why I’m joining with People of Faith for Equality in Virginia which is organizing public witness events at courthouses all across the state on February 14th.  We’ll hold a “Witness for LOVE!” this Valentine’s Day, standing up for the right of all loving couples to marry and demanding that marriage equality be recognized under Virginia law.Circuit Courthouses in Chesapeake (12 noon), Hampton (Time TBD), Newport News (12 noon), Norfolk (12 noon), Portsmouth (Time TBD), Virginia Beach (Time TBD), Williamsburg (12 noon)

When it seems that religion is so often reported as supporting bigotry and prejudice, it’s important to remember that religion actually gives us a powerful voice for justice, for ending exclusion and discrimination.

For example, marriage is a particular form of covenant, something for which there’s a well developed theology.  A covenant can take different forms using different words, but each represents a commitment to speak and to act in ways that are truthful, reasonable and kind; implicit is a promise that when we fall short on that commitment, we give each other permission to begin again in love.

Theologian James Luther Adams noted, however, that something larger than the people making such a commitment to one another is also involved.  “The people’s covenant is a covenant with the essential character and intention of reality,” he declared.  “It is not merely a covenant between human beings; it is a covenant between human beings in the face of reality.  The covenant is with the creative, sustaining, commanding, judging, transforming power.”

People and their religions can understand that power in different ways, so when it comes to the actual practice of covenant we may invite other people to stand in as human representatives.  We do that so that we can be certain there are witnesses, particularly in those cases when we think the covenant has special significance.

So in every wedding I perform, I greet the assembled family and friends not just as participants in a happy occasion, but as witnesess to the covenant that is about to be made.  And that’s the mystery, the open secret that the people who have enshrined discrimination in laws saying who can and cannot get married simply don’t understand: a marriage doesn’t happen because the officiant utters that famous phrase, “by the power vested in me by the Commonweath of Virginia”; no, the marriage happens when the vows are made and the rings exchanged.  That’s what makes real the covenant of marriage, “a covenant between human beings in the face of reality.”  The rest is bureaucracy.

That’s not to say that the thousand legal provisions that give particular benefits, rights and privileges to married couples don’t matter, because they do.  And it’s not to say that a covenantal theology of marriage makes easy the hard work, the soul work of marriage, because it doesn’t.

But it is to say that the gender identity and sexual orientation of the individuals getting married is utterly irrelevant.  If two people — lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or hetero — are willing to make that solemn commitment to speak and act in ways that are truthful, reasonable and kind, to promise one another that, when they inevitably fall short, they may begin again in love, then their marriage has equal claim to those same benefits, rights and privileges.  It’s love that makes a family, no matter how either church or state may try to legislate it otherwise.

And that’s why, this Valentine’s Day, I shall be a Witness for LOVE!, joining with progressive people of faith calling for marriage equality in Virginia.

Witness for LOVE!

Witness for LOVE!

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1 Comment »

  1. […] we act as individuals — as was the case for myself and twenty-three other people of faith when we gathered at the Newport News Circuit Court on Valentine’s Day to witness for marriage equality — but it’s a red herring to imply that religion should determine how our society should […]

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